


Philophobia.

by anonymustotalus



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-06 03:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymustotalus/pseuds/anonymustotalus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>«I don’t want you to love me, Harry.» «But I don’t love you, Niall. Ineed you.» </p><p>Or the one in which Niall is afraid of falling in love and Harry is too broken to love anyone, until they meet.</p><p>Philophobia is the fear of being in love and falling in love. Philophobia is defined as the abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love. This affects the quality of life and pushes a person away from commitment. It also triggers various symptoms that may incorporate sweating, irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, feelings of dread, nausea and feeling of restlessness. The worst aspect of fear of being in love and falling in love is that it keeps a person in solitude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pilot.

He wakes up at the sound of the alarm clock. He gets up yawning, then he goes to the bathroom. He throws water at his face and then stares at his reflection in the mirror. Looking at those blue eyes staring right back at him 'another shit day, just try to survive' he tells himself. Then he takes a quick shower and grabs something to eat before he leaves the house. He gets in his car and drives as the radio is playing Lego House by Ed Sheeran. He laughs bitterly as he turns it off. He doesn't really like love songs, well, actually he doesn't like love itself.  
Finally he arrives to his destiny. He parks in front of a big building. He gets off of the car and starts walking towards the building. Once he is inside he goes upstairs, no taking the lift, because there's always a lot of people in there and he doesn't really like to interact with other people. He stops in front of a door the says 'Mrs. Reagan. Psychologist and psychiatrist'. He puts one of his hands on the door handle but he stops when he hears voices behind the door, then silence, and then he feels the door handle move under his hand, the door opens and his eyes meet a big green orbs staring back at him. He looks at the boy in front of him, he's some inches taller than him but no much really, but he looks younger than he, maybe just one year or too.  
"Sorry" he says and steps aside from the door letting the boy make his way to the lift and he just stares at him until a voice wakes him up from his toughts.  
"Niall, you can come in" the voice says. And Niall enters the room. She's sitting as usual on her chair, legs crossed, with a little notebook and a pen on her hands, staring at him, smiling. "Sit down, please" she says gesturing to the sofa in front of her for Niall to sit there, and Niall does so. "Tell me, how are you feeling today?" she asks.  
"Apart from being suicidal, I'm fine" Niall shrugs and she gives him a worried look "It was a joke, I'm fine"  
"Well, some progress or something you want to tell me?" she asks.  
"Not really"  
"Have you been hanging out with your friends and going out as I told you?"  
"They've come to my house once or twice, but that's all"  
"Niall, you need to interact with people, have a social life, meet new people…"  
"No" he cuts her off "The only thing I need is being alone so nobody can hurt me and the only reason I come here every week is because if I don't do it my mother won't pay me the rent, so don't tell me what I need to do" he sounds angry, and he really is, because he's tired of all the people telling him what to do because they don't understand him, they don't even try to understand him and his feelings.  
"Okay, I'm sorry Niall, calm down, okay? Why don't we talk about your mother? I talked to her a few days ago and she is very worry about you"  
"She doesn't have to worry about anything, I'm fucking fine, okay? I just don't want anyone else in my life and she keeps making me go to dates with people I don't know and I don't want to know"  
"But, as far as I know, you never attend to those dates, do you?"  
"No, I don't"

After what it seemed like forever, but were actually one hour, Niall leaves the building and gets in the car and drives back his house. During the ride he can't stop thinking. Thinking when this all started. He's always been a normal boy hanging out with people even flirting with some of them, but it all changed like four years ago, when he was fifteen, when he discovered he was actually attracted to boys and not girls. His father has caught him and one of his friends kissing, then his father hit him, very hard, and told him things a father should never say to his son. In his high school everyone find out about what happened and about Niall's sexuality, and he got bullied every single day, and the boy he had kissed just ignored him and pretended Niall didn't exist. After that Niall went to live back with his mother, and he tried to be in some relationships but eventually he just broke up with them or left without saying anything, telling himself that if he continued with the relationship it would end at some point and the one who would be hurt would be him, he couldn't believe someone would really love him, so he assumed this was never going to happen. And he had being avoiding people.

He parks in front of his house and get off the car. He enters the house and finds Louis sitting on the couch watching TV. He's one of Niall's best friends. "what are you doing here?" Niall asks.  
"Waiting for you" The brunette boy answers.  
"How did you get in here?" Niall asks more confused each time.  
"I took the key under the mat" Niall sits down next to him.  
"And what do you want?"  
"I don't know, just wanted to hang out with my mate" the boy says passing his arm around Niall's shoulder and Niall shifts uncomfortably.  
"My mother told you to come here, didn't she?"  
"Yes" Louis finally admitted. 

The boys spend the day watching movies and eating and in the evening Liam join them. They continue watching movies and order some pizzas, then the boys go home leaving Niall alone.

Niall goes to his bedroom and puts on his pajamas. Then he goes to bed and sets the alarm clock and he falls asleep thinking to himself 'well done, you survived'.

***  
Niall is sitting on a big couch pretending to read a magazine. It already passed a week so he's waiting at the therapist waiting room.  
The door open and Niall gets up. Behind the door appears the same boy as the last time, but this time Niall notices the boy has red puffy eyes, he's been crying. The boy looks at Niall but just for a second and then he leaves. Niall enters the room and Mrs. Reagan is waiting for him, Niall closes the door behind him and sits down.  
"Who was him?" Niall asks curiously.  
"Who is who?" she's a bit confused.  
"The boy who just left, I saw him last week too"  
"I can't tell you Niall, why are you interested?"  
Niall shrugs "I don't know, I've never seen him before and I was just curious" there was a pause "Has he been crying?"  
"Niall, you know I can't tell you anything of my other patients" another pause "but seeing as you are so interested on him, why don't you talk to him?" she suggests.  
"No" Niall answers quickly "I'm not that interested"

***

Another week passes, Niall goes to therapy, as usual. There's no much progress. Niall keeps hiding himself on his house only talking sometimes to his friends. Her mother keeps organizing him dates that he won't attend and that's all. That's Niall's life, and he's kind of sad about it, but there's nothing he can do. So he just assumes that he would never be happy, and that's okay with him.  
Next week at therapy Niall's not in a good mood really.  
"Niall, has happened something that I should now?" Mrs. Reagan asks.  
"No, not really" Niall answers angrily.  
"Then why are you acting like that?"  
"I'm acting normal" he shrugs it off.  
"No you're not Niall. I'm just trying to help y-"  
"But I don't need help!" Niall cuts her off "Why it is so hard to understand?" Niall gets up, shouting "This thing that happens to me can't be fixed, I know it! So why would I need help? I don't need it and i don't want it okay?"  
"Niall, please calm down, of course you illness can be fixed but you just have to-"  
"No, shut up! I can't be loved, I can't love! And I assumed it, I'm okay with that!" he says before leaving the room.  
He's really angry and he really doesn't know why. He doesn't know why he had acted like that, maybe he's tired of everyone. He doesn't know where to go, he needs to be alone but he can't go home, no, he can drive like that. So he goes to the roof of the building, surely there won't be anyone and he could have a time to think and relax and then just go home. But he's wrong. When he opens the roof's door he takes a look around and he can see a tall boy with a curly mop of hair smoking. Niall stays there for a few seconds, thinking what to do and when he finally decides he's going home the brunette boy turns around to look at Niall.  
"What do you want?" the boy asks approaching to Niall.  
"Nothing, really, I have to go"  
"You can stay if you want, I don't mind having some company, I'm Harry by the way" he says. Niall hesitates for a moment, he doesn't know if he should leave or stay, and he probably makes the worst decision in his life, but he decides to stay.  
"I'm Niall" he says.  
"Want?" Harry asks handing him a cigarette.  
"No, thanks, I don't smoke" Niall says as he introduces his hands on his pockets attending there awkwardly.  
"A good boy, huh?" Harrys says smiling cheekily as he smokes.  
"No, a smart one" Niall answers and Harry lets out a small laugh.  
"You're on therapy with Mrs. Reagan, aren't you?" Harry asks  
"Yes, you too"  
"Yes" Harry answers even though it was more like a statement that a question. "Have you ever thought about killing yourself?" Harry asks looking at the views from the roof.  
Niall is really confused now, they just met and the boy is asking him a thing like that, is he crazy or what? Niall doesn't know what to answer, he really had thought about it but, should he tell that to that boy he doesn't even now? There is a long pause.  
"Sometimes" Niall finally answers and Harry nods and look at him.  
"Me too" he says as he gives another drag on his cigarette.  
"Well, you're already doing it" Niall says and Harry looks at him confuses "With that, you're already killing yourself" Niall explains himself pointing at the cigarette, and Harry laughs and looks at Niall smiling, and Niall smiles back, a genuine smile. And that's the moment Niall feels scared, because he shouldn't be smiling, he isn't supposed to be happy, and this can only mean one thing.


	2. New Friends.

"You're such an idiot" Harry says and laughs out loud and Niall does so. They are on the roof again, it's been three weeks now and they have met there every single day after the therapy. Even though at first Niall didn't want to, he always found himself up there looking for that boy. They get to know each other, Harry is eighteen, a year younger than Niall, and he has a sister older than him, he lives with his mother because of the incident. The incident, Harry is always mentioning it but he never says what it really is, and Niall doesn't bother to ask him what it is, and doesn't say anything about his illness. This time they are talking no sense things, funny things, anecdotes… And they are laughing, and it's been a long time since Niall had laughed like this. They stop laughing but they both have a smile on their faces. Niall stares at Harry, he is smoking and Niall contemplates how she holds the cigarette and take it to his mouth. And then Niall feels a heavy weight on his chest.  
"What are you looking at?" Harry asks smiling at Niall.  
Niall shakes his head "If you keep smoking like that you'll get cancer or something"  
"Stop talking like my mom" Harry says and chuckles. Niall looks at his watch, maybe he should go home.  
"I have to go, it's getting late" Niall says. Harry looks at his watch.  
"Yeah, could you take me home?" He says as he throws the cigarette to the floor. Niall hesitates. What should he do? No, he can't, sounds stupid but he is not ready. He only have talked to Harry when they are on the roof, they have never talked out of there. Niall only takes this as a time to relax after therapy, not a friendship or anything, he already has the number of friends complete.  
Niall simply stands there in silence, thinking what he should do.  
"It's okay, I'll go walking" Harry says giving him a half smile before he starts walking towards the roof's door.  
"No Harry, wait" Niall says and Harry stops and turns around "I'll take you home" 

***  
The drive is a bit awkward. They both stay in silence and Niall decides to turn on the radio to do the situation less awkward. Harry sings along a few times, almost whispering, but Niall can hear it, and it sounds really good. Harry gives Niall the direction and they finally arrive. Niall parks in front of Harry's house.  
"Thanks" Harry says taking off the seatbelt.  
"You're welcome" Niall answers.  
"I guess I'll see you next week" Harry says and smiles.  
"Yeah, I guess" Niall simply shrugs.  
Harry nods and gets off of the car waving and Niall. And Niall starts driving and disappears down the street.

***  
Alarm clock. That's all Niall can hear. He turns it off and gets up from bed. Today he has to go to therapy, which is a crap, but he'll see Harry, which is great. He tries not to think about it. He takes a quick shower and he puts on his black jeans, a basic shirt and a purple hood. He goes downstairs and doesn't even take anything to eat he just gets on the car and starts to drive.  
He arrives and enters the building. Niall sits at the waiting room and minutes later he sees Harry exiting.  
"See you later" Harry whispers and smiles and Niall smiles back before entering the room.  
"Hello Niall, sit down please" Mrs. Reagan says and Niall sits "Anything you want to tell me? Any progress?"  
"Well…" Niall hesitates for a moment, should he talk to her about Harry? "I've been talking to a boy"  
"Really?" she says as she writes something on his notebook.  
"Yes, but… I'm really scared" he admits. "I mean, why I can't be happy? Why can I meet a nice boy and talk to him without feeling like shit?" he's about to cry, is the first time he's like that in front of someone, so vulnerable, he won't let Mrs. Reagan see him like that "I have to go" he gets up and leaves the room hearing Mrs. Reagan say something but he just ignores him. He goes to the roof, and Harry is already there, sitting on the floor. Harry turns around and smiles at Niall but his smile falls instantly when he sees Niall is crying and that is the moment Niall realizes he's actually crying. Harry gets up and walks towards Niall.  
"Are you okay?" he asks sweetly and Niall shakes his head. And then Harry grabs Niall by his waist tightly, his arms pressing him firmly against him. Harry is hugging Niall, and Niall hugs him back, but that's when Niall starts to get dizzy and he realizes is because he is not breathing, he can hear his irregular heartbeat on his chest and his ears, and he is sweating. He knows whats happening and he pushes away from Harry's embrace.  
"What's wrong?" Harry asks confused.  
"Me" is all Niall says and starts crying even more and Harry doesn't know what to do.

***  
When Niall calmed down he explained everything to Harry. How he couldn't love people, how he couldn't let people love him, how he would run away if they did. How unhappy he was. And Harry just sat there listening to Niall and watching how the blonde lad cried.  
"I didn't know that could exists" Harry finally says "I mean, it's weird, you can't love"  
"Well, it's not like I don't have feelings, I'm attracted to people but if they really like me I start to panic"  
There is a silence. Harry is thinking, Niall can tell that.  
"What would happen if I kiss you, like right now?" Harry asks and Niall looks at him surprised. Is he serious, is he going to kiss him? Because then Niall would jump off the roof if he did. And, is he gay? Niall wasn't expecting that. He starts to feel nervous and his hands start sweating.  
"I-I think I'd probably jump off the roof or something" Niall jokes and let out a small laugh, even though he was considering this possibility.  
"Hey I'm not as bad kisser" Harry jokes too. Harry sees how Niall is getting nervous and is sweating "calm down, I'm not going to kiss you" And Niall lets out a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, I didn't know it affects you like that"  
"Don't worry" Niall shrugs.

***

Moths passed and everything was fine. The boys still meeting on the roof and the talked for hours. They had become really good friends. Harry hadn't told Niall anything about his life, like why he was going to therapy, but Niall didn't mind it at all. Everything was pretty fine, until that day.  
"I was thinking…" Harry starts as the both lay on the floor of the roof "maybe we could hang out sometime, I mean, not in the roof, in your house or mine, or wherever you want I don't mind"  
Niall gulped, he doesn't know what to say. He was scared. Every time he thought about Harry was like he was a kind of therapy, someone you can talk to and he will listen and vice versa but lately every time he thinks about Harry he feels scared and now Harry saying that wasn't helping.  
"Yeah, maybe we could" Niall answers, his voice trembling and it seems that Harry notices that.  
"Niall, we don't have to if you're not ready, but I just want you as a friend, you know that right?" Niall feel a bit relieve and hurt at the same time and it's so confusing.  
"Yeah yeah" Niall says, and there's a silence "When and where?" Niall finally says more convinced this time and Harry looks at him and smiles and Niall does so.


	3. The Beginning Of The End.

I don't even now what I'm doing here. Niall thinks to himself as he parks in front of Harry's house. Harry had told him to go to his house and Niall still doesn't know why but he accepted it. And now he was there getting off his car walking to Harry's house. He knocks and seconds later the door open to reveal a beautiful woman smiling at him.  
"Hi honey, what do you want?" the woman asks him. She seems nice.  
"H-Hi, is Harry there?" Niall asks nervously.  
"Yes, you must be Niall, I'm Anne, his mum" Niall nods. Has Harry talked about him his mum? Okay, Niall starts to panic, but then Harry appears.  
"Hey" the brunette boy says smiling "Let's go upstairs"  
They go to Harry's bedroom and Niall looks around. There are a lot of pictures. Mostly are of Harry and a boy he have never seen before, there are a lot of pictures of them together and Niall feels curious about who he is but he decides not to ask.  
"You can sit down if you want" Harry interrupts his thoughts and points to his bed, and Niall sits.

***

They stay there, Harry laying on his bed and Niall sitting on a couch. They do the same as what they do when they are on the roof, talk and laugh. But Harry is not smoking and Niall thinks that is because is mum could catch him. They've been in silence for a while, and it's not awkward or uncomfortable but Niall decides to ask something he been wanting to know for a long time.  
"Why are you going to therapy?" Niall asks suddenly. Harry who was staring at the ceiling looks to Niall.  
"Why do you want to know that?" Harry answers with a question.  
"Because I've known you for a while now, and I've told you about me, so I don't get why you don't tell me anything about you" Niall explains.  
"You've never asked me"  
"Yeah but that was because I wanted you to tell me when you wanted, but seeing as it's been almost four months since we met and you didn't tell me anything…"  
"I just don't want to talk about it" Harry says bitterly.  
"Why?" Niall asks.  
"Because I don't want to"  
"Okay" Niall simply says. And they both stay in silence for a while.

***

"Would you like to come to my house tonight and watch a movie?" Harry asks Niall. It's been two weeks since Niall was on Harry's house, and now they were in the rooft, as always.  
Niall stays in silence and Harry passes him his cigarette. Niall takes a drag, and then another one. He doesn't know exactly why and when but at some point Harry had convinced him to try and now he even liked it, but he only smokes when he is with Harry, so is not like he is addicted or something. Harry stares at him, waiting for an answer.  
"Y-yeah, what time? Niall says hesitantly.

***

"What movie are we going to watch?" Niall asks. He's sitting on Harry's bed. He's not as nervous as he thought he would be, even though they are alone in the house because Harry's mum is out for a while.  
"I don't know, do you like The Notebook?" Harry asks holding the DVD of the movie. Niall laughs at that question.  
"I don't like romantic movies"  
"Oh, true, I forgot you were an emotionless piece of meat" Harry jokes as he looks for another movie. And Niall laughs out loud. Usually he would be offended by this types of jokes, but when it comes to Harry, he is not. "What about Harry Potter? I have all the films" Niall laughs.  
"You're a Potterhead?" Niall asks.  
"Kind of, I have all the books as well" Harry smiles at him and Niall's smiles fades.  
"It's okay, Harry Potter then" he answers more sirius this time.

***

They've watched the three first Harry Potter's movies and they are really tired. Niall is lying on Harry's bed and Harry is behind him even though he can't see the TV from there, so Niall assumes he's already asleep. Niall's eyes are about to shut closed but then Harry speaks.  
"It's because of him" He starts. His voice sounds tired but he's awake "The guy in the photos, he was my boyfriend" Niall turns around to find Harry looking at him, tears attempting to fall off his eyes. He has never seen Harry cry "we were seventeen, their parents didn't knew he was gay, and one day his father caught us" The story reminds Niall of his own "he didn't let me see him so one day we decided to run away, together, start all over in another place. We had accorded we will meet under the tree where we first kiss" Harry smiles bitterly "but he never came" The first tear roll over Harry's cheek "I've waited for him for three hours in the rain and he never came, I was so mad at him… When I got back home I found my sister crying, I didn't knew what was happening. She told me he was dead. Mike had died. He was driving to the place of meet but before he could arrived he had a terrible accident and I never saw him again. His father didn't let me go to the funeral, he thought it was my fault, and it actually was, if it wasn't for me he would still alive… " Harry stop for a moment. More tears now rolling down his face. And Niall just stares at his beautiful face, concerned, not knowing exactly what to do "after that I was depressed for months so my mum decided I should go to therapy and then I met you…" Harry stops again staring straight at Niall's eyes, and this times it seems like he have finished.  
Niall just stares at Harry, frowning, concerned, while the younger boy let out some sobs, he doesn't know what to do, Harry is broken and he doesn't now how to fix him, he doesn't know how to fix himself. He could just run away as he usually do, but this time he doesn't want to. So he wipes away Harry's tears with his thumb and then he rests his hand on Harry's cheek. The younger boy looks at him, sadness and confusion across his face. Niall gives him a soft smile, surprisingly, Harry smiles back. And that's all. It's all been said, with a smile, a simple smile. Neither of them need more. So Harry takes Niall's hand off of cheek gently, but he still holding it as he interlaces their fingers, and he closes his eyes. Niall feels a heavy weight on his chest and a lump on his throat at the feeling of Harry's hand on his, but he just tries to calm down and he closes his eyes as they both fall asleep.


	4. Progress.

The next morning Niall wakes up next to Harry and he feels a huge rush in his chest bit it suddenly disappears when Harry's eyes shut open and look into his.   
"Morning" Harry says smiling and looks down to his intertwined hands causing Niall to look at them too and he feels like he can't breathe, but then he looks up again and he meets Harry's eyes and everything is fine again.  
"Morning" Niall finally answers a bit insecure.  
"Do you feel okay?" Harry asks "With this, I mean" He explains moving his and Niall's hand.  
"I don't know… It's weird"  
"What is weird?" Harry asks.  
"Your eyes, the give me peace, I stop thinking when I look at them" Niall admits and Harry smiles.  
"Let me try something" Harry says and he starts leaning in, and Niall hopes he is not going to do what he thinks he is going to do, Niall tenses up and Harry feels it. "Just look me in the eyes" he whispers and continues leaning in, but instead of kissing Niall on the lips he does in his cheek, a sweet and long kiss on Niall's cheek, and he feels relieved. Then Harry goes back to his initial position and stares at Niall. "So what?" he asks and Niall smiles and without thinking about it Niall leans in a kisses Harry's nose. And then they both stay like that looking at each other, smiling like idiots.

***

"I met this boy" Niall says to his therapist "He kissed me" he admits smiling.  
"Oh, really?" she asks surprised.  
"Yeah, well, it was on the cheek, but it was a kiss"  
"Yes Niall, that's a great progress"  
"And I kissed him too, but he didn't asked me too, I did it because I wanted to"  
"That's great Niall!" she sounds happy, the therapy is finally working.   
"But what if he leaves me?" he asks concern "What if I start to trust him and then he lefts me, huh?"   
"Well, Niall, that's the thing. You need to trust him, trust that he won't leave you, that's what relationships are based, trust. You need to trust and to be trusted"

That day Niall and Harry met on the roof.

"I want to trust you" Niall suddenly says appearing at the door, Harry looks at him and smiles "but I don't know if I can" and Harry's smile fades away.  
"I know it's hard for you Niall, but eventually everything will work out, I know it, because I think I might be fall-"  
"No!" Niall interrupts him "don't say that" and Niall hugs Harry, very tight, like he doesn't want him to go away, and Harry hugs him back "don't love me please" Niall whispers in Harry's ear "don't love me because if you do I'll leave you, and I don't want to" Niall finally admits.  
"I won't love you, but you can't leave me, okay?" Harry whispers and Niall simply nods.

***

Days pass and the boys hang out more and more together. Niall feels more comfortable every time, but this heavy weight in his chest never leaves.  
This time they are at Niall's house, he never lets nobody in unless it's one of his friends, but Harry is now one of his friends, or even more than that, but he doesn't really want to think about it. They're on the kitchen, cooking some cake as they both are bored and hungry and Harry has this cheeky smile on his face like a eight-year-old-child while he stares at Niall.  
"Why are you staring?" Niall asks smiling.  
"You look cute with flour on your face" Harry says and Niall looks at him confused.  
"I don't have flour on my-" Harry interrupts him by throwing at him a handful of flour "face" Niall finishes. He has now flour all over his face, he clean his eyes and looks at Harry who is chuckling and staring at the blond boy "how you dare?" Harry simply shrugs.  
"I told you you were cute with it"   
Niall takes an egg and Harry starts running all over the kitchen and Niall behind him, trying to catch him.  
"No! Don't do that" Harry says between laughs and he keeps running, but eventually Niall catches him, wrapping one of his arms around the boy, face to face, and he stabs the egg on Harry's face then he let Harry go.  
"Niall! That's-that's disgusting" Harry says trying to clean his face with his hand.  
"You have started this Harry, not me" Niall says smiling.  
"I want revenge!" Harry says and Niall laughs at how childish the boy can act.  
"And what are you gonna do, huh?" Niall asks playfully. Harry looks at him with a smirk on his face and steps closer and closer to him until he is in front of Niall. The brunette lad wraps an arm around Niall's waist and pulls him closer.  
"What about this?" Harry says and then he starts leaning in, resting his hand on the back of Niall's neck. And, oh god, is he going to kiss him? Then Harry looks at Niall's lips and licks his own lips before looking again at Niall's eyes, like waiting for a sign that tells him to keep going. Niall doesn't move and Harry take it as if he wants him to continue, so he does, he continues leaning in and now their lips are brushing and Niall is going to have a panic attack and runaway at any moment, but Harry seems to notice that. "Look into my eyes" Harry whispers "now close your eyes and think about them" he orders still whispering against Niall's lips, and Niall does what he says. He is starting to relax and then he feels a pair of lips pressed against his, moving, almost begging him to kiss back, but Niall doesn't know what to do, he is scared, his hands are sweaty and his heart rhythm isn't normal. And just when he is about to pull Harry away a thought comes to his mind: Harry's eyes, Harry's big green eyes, and then his perfect smile, his perfect dimple, and his perfect lips. And everything seems better now because those perfect lips are against his, and those perfects lips belong to Harry, and Niall wants to kiss Harry, so he does. He finally kisses Harry back and he can feel Harry smiling into the kiss, and then Harry licks Niall's bottom lip, asking for entrance but Niall pulls himself back from the kiss, he's not ready for that, not yet. Harry looks at him, regretting what he has done "I'm sorry, too fast?" he says and Niall nods slightly, and then Niall leans in and kiss Harry again, and Harry is surprised for that but he kisses him back immediately, they eventually pull away from the kiss, resting their foreheads on each other's "Niall, I-" Niall looks at him scared he is going to say the words he doesn't want him to say.  
"I don't want you to love me, Harry" Niall interrupts him afraid Harry will say something he doesn't want to hear. And Harry smiles softly.  
"But I don't love you Niall, I need you" the boy states. And suddenly Niall's weight on his chest disappears, all his fears kind of go away, because for some reason he knows Harry won't hurt him, at least not for now. And that heavy weight is replace for another feeling he can't describe, is a warm feeling on his chest that goes down his stomach where there are thousands of butterflies that after nineteen years have been released.


	5. The Note, Part One.

I'm sorry, I can't do this. 

That was all Niall left. A note, a simple note. Harry felt defeated. Niall had abandoned him. It was all his fault, he shouldn't have said how he felt to Niall, but he needed to. And now Niall had disappear and Harry could do nothing. He try to find him, to call him, and he got nothing. But he was not going to surrender.


	6. The Note, Part Two.

I'm sorry, I can't do this. 

He'll understand. Niall was sure about that, Harry would understand him. He had to leave him, everything because at the someone gets hurt, always, not matter what. At first Niall felt that he could trust Harry, that everything was getting better. He felt thing he had never felt before for anyone. But this was going to end bad, so he had to leave. And Harry would understand.  
It hurt a bit to Niall, having to leave Harry, the beautiful angel that was sleeping in his bed right now. But he had to, that's all Niall could think about. In some way you could say he was trying to convince himself. Niall left the note on the pillow and placed a soft kiss on Harry's forehead. "I'm sorry, Harry" was all Niall said- well, whispered- before he left. But what he hadn't thought was that maybe it would hurt both more if he left than if he had stayed. He hadn't thought that maybe he would regret it.


	7. Coming Back.

Five years have passed. Five years since Niall left. Niall went back to Ireland and he thought about coming back every single day. He thought about Harry every single day. He never had the courage of coming back, but five years later there he was, going back to his old house. Part of him wants to see Harry again but the other part don't. It could be hurtful. Niall arrives at his old house and everything is how he left it, but with a thin layer of dust. He pulls out his phone and stars scrolling trough the names on his agenda until he sees it. Harry Styles. Maybe he has changed his number but Niall is going to try.

Hey, it's Niall. I know you hate me, I do too, but I'm back in town and I thought that maybe we could talk? 

Niall's fingers type I missed you but he removes those words before pressing the 'send' button. But yes, he has missed him, he had missed Harry more than he had missed anyone in his entire life, and maybe that was why he left. He was ill, mentally ill, and he was miserable because of that, he had cried his eyes every night since he left, but now he was better. He was on therapy since then and everything was better now. He could flirt with someone without hyperventilating, he could kiss someone without passing out, and most importantly, maybe, he could be in a relationship with someone without running away, but that was something he wasn't sure just yet. Suddenly his screen phone shines. It's a text, from Harry.

We don't have anything to talk about.

That's Harry's answer, and Niall wants to cry, because it's all his fault, it's always his fault. For the first time in five years he thinks that maybe, and only maybe, he shouldn't have left, but he did and now there's nothing he can do about that, so he just answers Harry.

I'm sorry, I left without explaining. I don't want to talk about this by messages. Please, come to my house, please.

The next thing Niall knows is that he bell is ringing. He has fallen asleep on the couch. He rubs his eyes, and then realization hits him, it's Harry. It has to be Harry. Niall goes to the door and opens it. And yes, there he his. Harry. He hasn't change that much, he got shorter hair but his mesmerizing green eyes are the same as always. He is beautiful, and yeah, Niall finally can think about that without feeling guilty.

"Hi" Niall barely whispers.  
"What do you want?" Harry snaps, and Niall once again wants to cry, because this shouldn't be like this.  
"Come in, please" Niall says and Harry does so.  
They both stay there in silence. But Niall decides to break it.  
"I missed you" he finally says. And a smile appears on Harry's face, a sarcastic smile, he's not buying that.  
"Yeah, sure"   
"It's true" Niall voice break as he is about to cry.  
"What do you want Niall?" Harry asks again, harshly.  
"I just wanted to explain why I left" Harry simply nods and Niall continues "I did because I was scare Harry, and you know why, I was ill and I couldn't help myself. I felt-no, I feel- things for you that I have never felt for anyone else Harry, and I was scared as shit so I ran away, because I thought that if I stayed we both would get hurt"  
"So, you decided that it was better that the only one that should be hurt was me, huh?"  
"No, it's not that-"  
"You don't have any idea of what I've been through Niall, I don't only loved you but needed you Niall"  
"I'm sorry Harry"  
"Yeah, I'm sorry too" Harry's voice is cold.  
"I'm not ill anymore, I mean, I've been in therapy and I got a lot better. I thought that maybe, you and I…" Niall was cut by Harry's sarcastic laugh.  
"What did you thought Niall? That you could left me and that when you came back I'll be here waiting for you?" Niall's stomach fall to his feet "Niall, I have a boyfriend now, eventually I got over you". And that was it, Niall started crying. He knew this could be a possibility but he just hopped it wasn't real. "I didn't know if you would come back, I waited for you Niall, I really did, but I guess that this things happens without really wanting it". Niall simply nods, looking at his feet, because right now he can't look at Harry.  
"I'm sorry I had make you come here, you can go if you want" Niall says between sobs.  
"Niall, I-" Harry starts, but he doesn't know what to say, this isn't his fault, or maybe it was. Niall turns around so his back is now to Harry, so he decides he should leave now.  
When Niall hears the door shut he kneels down on the floor, hands on his face, crying even harder. This is all his fault.


	8. Friends.

"I'm home" Harry shouts and then he walks to the living room. There he is, Louis, his boyfriend. Yes, Louis, Niall's friend. After Niall left, Harry tried to find him so he talked to his only friends, with the time Louis became Harry's friend too. He was alway there, helping him, cheering him up, so it was normal that two young single boys had fallen in love, and that's what they did. Harry loved Louis, he was sure about that, but it wasn't like Niall, and now that he had seen him again he was even more sure about that, and he couldn't help but feel guilty.  
"Hey babe" Louis say as Harry sits on his lap kissing his lips quickly. "where have you been?"  
"Visiting an old friend" it wasn't a lie, it was true, but Harry felt guilty for not telling him everything, maybe he should. "Niall is back" he says hesitantly. Louis stares at him.  
"Should I be jealous?" Louis asks. Harry laughs slightly and shakes his head no before kissing Louis, a proper kiss this time, his lips moving in sync. Harry traces his tongue along Louis lower lip begging for entrance and Louis opens his mouth, so Harry slides his tongue inside Louis' mouth, their tongues dancing together before Louis lets Harry win. Harry's tongue explores every part of Louis mouth and Louis lets out a loud moan and Harry smiles into the kiss just before he breaks it. "what was that for?" Louis asks out of breath. Harry shrugs.  
"I can song my beautiful boyfriend when I want, can I?" Harry asks smiling cheekily.  
"Yes, yes, you can" Louis answers him smiling too before he leans in for another kiss.  
But the truth was that Harry felt so guilty, because after all this years, and after all what happened he couldn't help but still being in love with Niall.  
"Did you tell him?" Louis asks.  
"About what?" Harry asks confused.  
"About us, silly" Louis laughs.  
"Oh, well… I told him I was with someone, but I didn't tell him it was you…" Harry admits "You know, you were his best friend, it's weird I don't know…" he tries to explain.  
Louis phone buzzes and he looks at the screen.  
"It's a message from Niall" he says reading the message. "He says he wants to see me" Harry nods.  
"You should visit him"   
"Yeah…" Louis breathes.

***

This is harder than he thought. He knew it was going to be hard but now that he knows that Harry would never be his… It feels like a thousand knifes ripping your heart. But it is all his fault, it is all Niall's fault. He shouldn't have left him like that, Niall keeps repeating this on his mind, but now there's nothing he can do. Life sucks.  
The bell rings and Niall, who was almost falling asleep, jumps from the couch. He walks to the door and when he opens it Louis appears.  
"Louis…" Niall breathes trying to smile.  
"Hey Niall, it's been a long time" Louis tries to smile too, but it is hard. He feels like he had betrayed his best friend, he had fallen in love with his ex boyfriend, for goodness sake.  
"Yeah… C-come in, please".

The both of them talk for a long time. Niall tells Louis about his improvements in relationships and Louis just tells Niall how happy he is and how much he had missed him. He tries no to talk about his love life. About him and Harry.  
"Well, tell me, is there someone in your life?" Niall asks, and Louis wants to die right there at that right moment.  
"Well… Yeah… I-I met this boy, you know, he is awesome" Louis says getting more and more nervous. His palms are starting to sweat. If he tells Niall about him and Harry, he would probably hate him forever, but he would have to know about it at some time, wouldn't he?  
"That's great Lou, wish I could say the same…" The room falls silent for a moment, neither of the boys knowing what to say "I-I have seen Harry" Louis looks at him, he is terrified, he doesn't know where this is going and he's regretting coming to see Niall "He told me he had a boyfriend now" Niall is about to cry. "It is so hard Lou, I-I shouldn't have left him, I'm a completely idiot" Niall, who is now crying, sniffs. "I have made the biggest mistake in my life and now I can't do anything" Louis tries to calm his best friend down and he can't help but feel this is all his fault, if he wasn't with Harry maybe Niall wouldn't be like that. But it isn't his fault, is it? "I'm in love with him, Lou, I have always been and I'll always be" Niall states, and Louis wants to run away because his best friend just told him that is in love with his boyfriend.   
"You know what you should do? It's your birthday soon, we should make a big party, I'll organize everything, and I can invite a lot of people, it's going to be great, you'll see" Louis says, because he feels guilty.  
"Thanks" Niall tries to smile between the tears "you're the best friend in the whole world" Niall says before hugging him.  
"Yeah…" Louis barely whispers because, great. He is so fucked up.


	9. Happy Birthday To You.

"Tell me why in the world should I go to Niall's birthday?" Harry asks his boyfriend.  
"Because you both need to talk, you know, fix things…" Louis respond.  
"Is my boyfriend saying I should fix thing with my ex-boyfriend? This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard"  
"I mean, Niall is my best friend and he is going through a bad time, I just want to help him" Louis states.  
"You feel guilty, don't you?" Harry asks, it is obvious Louis feels guilty.  
"Yeah…" Louis finally admits looking down at his feet. Harry comes closer to him and cup his cheeks on his hands.  
"Well, you shouldn't. This is not your fault, is his, and only his" Harry says before kissing Louis, a sweet and tender kiss.  
"We should get going, we're going to be late" Louis says and Harry rolls his eyes.

***

It's Niall's birthday. Niall's house is full with party stuff. There are balloons everywhere and a lot of food, and of course alcoholic drinks. Louis had organize everything and Niall doesn't want to do this, he doesn't want to throw a party because he feels bad, he feels empty. He needs Harry.  
The door bell rings. Niall opens the door to find Louis and behind him is Harry.  
"Harry?" Niall whispers. "W-what are you doing here?"  
"I convince him to come?" Louis says smiling.  
"What? You both know each other?" Niall asks confused.  
"Well, yeah, that's a long story and we don't have time" Louis says making his way into Niall's house.  
"Can I come in?" Harry says shyly.  
"Yeah, yes, of course".

***

It's been two hours since the party started. There is drunken people everywhere. The air is filled with the smell of sweat and alcohol. The music is so loud that is pounding in Niall's ears. He wants this to end. He's not enjoying this. He hadn't even seen Harry since the people started arriving.   
Niall makes his way trough the people trying to find Harry or Louis. He just want to see a familiar face. Suddenly he stops in the middle of the crowd. He sees Harry, and Louis too. They are acting weird, like they are flirting and Niall doesn't know what to do, but the next thing he sees is that Louis kisses Harry, and Harry kisses him back. Niall can't believe what he is seeing. So Harry's boyfriend is Louis? His best friend? Niall feels like he's going to throw up even though he hadn't drank any alcohol. Niall's getting dizzy and the next thing he knows is that a hot liquid is making his way up his throat. And then he maybe hears Harry shout he's name but he's not very sure of that because suddenly everything goes black, and he can hear anything. And he wishes he's dead because what's the point in living if you can't trust anyone? If the one you love doesn't love you anymore?

***

White. All Niall can see is a blinding white light. Is he dead? Is he in heaven? No, he can't be, if he was dead he was going to hell, he was sure of that. Then everything comes clearer and he can see properly now. He his in his bedroom, laying on his bed. He doesn't remember how he get there, he just remember throwing up and the everything going black and… Oh great, Harry and Louis kissing. He starts feeling dizzy again so he tries not to think about it. He looks around his room, he can tell it must be around seven or maybe eight in the morning. And then he sees it, well, he sees him. Harry is in the corner of Niall's room, sitting on a couch with his eyes closed, he's probably sleeping, but Niall can't help when his name scape from his lips.  
"Harry" Niall whispers, his throat still hurting because of the vomit. Harry opens his eyes, and gets up, walking to Niall.  
"Hey" he says "how are you?"  
"Fine, just a little bit…" Niall tries to move but everything inside him hurts. "Dizzy" he concludes.  
"Don't move" Harry says getting closer "You passed out and hit you're head to the floor, the doctor said you must rest. It's normal that you feel like that" he says finally sitting on Niall's bed.  
"Where's Louis?"  
"He went to buy some pain killers for you"  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Niall asks, angry building up inside him.  
"What?"  
"Why didn't you tell me that you were dating my best friend?"  
"Because he is your best friend" Harry answers smiling sadly.  
"Do you love him?" Niall asks even though he know that the answers to that question could destroy him.  
"Since when Niall Horan cares about love?"   
"Since he lost the only person he had loved in his entire life. Now answer the question, do you love him?" Niall asks again, with a serious expression on his face.  
Harry thinks about the answer at the same time he tries to process what Niall just said.  
"You never lost me" he whispers, and it's barely audible but Niall can hear it.  
"What?" Niall asks confused.  
"I know I've acted like I hate you and I don't want anything to do with you but, but the truth is that you never lost me Niall, not even when you left me, no even when I though you wouldn't come back, not even when Louis and I started dating. I've always been yours Niall, all this time I have only been yours" Harry says letting a tear scape from his eye.  
"You haven't answered my question" Niall states, and he's trying to look serious but there are tears on his eyes.  
"Hey, Niall, you're awake!" Louis voice interrupts them, and they both swipe the tears from his eyes. "How are you feeling?"  
"Bad" Niall states "Horrible. Because my best friend lied to me"  
"Niall, I'm so sorry, I was going to tell you bu-"  
"Stop it" Niall interrupts him "I don't even care about what you're going to tell me, so please leave my house" Louis is about to say something but Niall talks again "and don't forget to take your boyfriend with you, please"  
"Niall, don't do this, we-" Harry starts but Niall interrupts him, again.   
"Get out!" He yells.  
The two boys are about to leave the room but just when Harry is about to walk trough the doorframe he turns around and looks at Niall with his eyes filled with tears.  
"You know what?" Harry yells. "This is all your fault! This is your fucking fault. Nothing of that would have happened if you had stayed with me, so stop acting like you are the victim!" He shouts before slamming the door.  
And when he's finally alone Niall starts to cry. Because Harry is right. Because his fucking illness has ruined his life. Because a part of him wanted Harry to stay with him, because for the first time Niall needed someone by his side to survive. Because for the first time he loved someone. And because this all is what he's been trying to avoid all this time, but he did a crap job.


	10. Where We Belong.

"Stop crying, babe" Louis whispers to Harry as he hugs him. They've been home for an hour now, laying on their bed, and Harry hadn't stop crying since they arrived. Louis doesn't know what to do.  
"I hate him" Harry says between sobs.  
"No you don't" Louis thinks about what he is going to say, because it hurts but he know that it is the truth. "You love him, Harry"  
"What?" Harry asks confused because, hat the heck is his boyfriend saying?  
"Harry, do you really think I can't see it?"  
"See what?" Harry questions getting up on the bed.  
"The way you look at him, Harry" Louis says as he does the same as his boyfriend. "Yesterday, in the party, when Niall passed out you were freaking out, you were telling him to come back with you"  
"I-I was scared, that's all" Harry tries to defend himself.  
"And then, when you fell asleep in Niall's room I heard you say his name in your sleep" There is a moment of silence, neither of them know what to say. Harry is stunned, is it that obvious? "Look Harry, I'm not blaming you, I'm not even angry" Louis finally says "I just want you to be sincere".  
"Louis I… I really like you, you know that. But with Niall everything is different. I know I should hate him, but I can't" Harry admits letting a tear slip from his eye "I love him" Louis smiles softly, because how could he been so blind? It was so obvious that Harry loved Niall, he just was pretending he didn't know. And he should be angry, sad, or disappointed, but he isn't.  
"Thank you" Louis says still smiling.  
"For what?" Harry asks confused, this boys has completely lost his head. He should be mad at him.  
"For telling me the truth" Louis responds as he press a soft kiss on Harry's forehead.  
"This doesn't mean we have to break up, I-" Harry tries to say.  
"Harry" Louis interrupts him "You should be with the one you love. Life is too short to waste time on stupid things"  
"You're not a stupid thing" Harry protests.  
"No, but our relationship is" Louis says, Harry looks at him, frowning "Yes, this is getting stupid, you don't love me, you're never going to love me, because if after all this time and everything Niall has done you still love him it means you will always love him. And yes, maybe I'm in love with you but I'll get over it, eventually. I just want you to be happy, Harry" Louis whispers the last sentence but he knows Harry heard it when the boy smiles softly at him.  
"I wish I could love you, Louis, you're so good to me and so sweet…" Harry says.  
"But you love Niall" Harry takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, because yes he loves the blonde boy and he can't do anything about it "And you two should be together" Harry opens his eyes and looks at Louis.  
"It's complicated" Harry says.  
"That's what cowards says." and for a moment the only thing that is heard is silence because Harry doesn't even know what to do "Text him" Louis suggests.  
"And what I am supposed to say?"  
Louis shrugged "That's up to you" and after that Louis plants a soft kiss (last kiss) on Harry's lips and leaves the room, leaving Harry alone.  
Harry picks his phone and searches for Niall's number, once he finds it he tries to write something, the first thing he writes is: 'I just broke up with Lou and I love you, Niall.' He's about to press the send button but the he deletes the message and writes another one: 'I think we should talk, sort some things out, please.' He presses send and minutes later he receives the answer, a simple: 'Okay, come to my house tomorrow at 12, and come alone please, if I see Louis I swear I'm going to strangle him.' Harry smiles a little at that last part, because Niall is jealous. Stupid boy, Harry only has eyes for him. And then Harry falls asleep with the phone on his hands.

***

"I've got something to tell you too" Niall says as he and Harry sit on Niall's couch.  
"Okay, you go first" Harry says nervously playing with his hands.  
"I-I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry" Harry looked at him confused. "Yesterday I- You were right, you are right, this is all my fault and now I don't know what I can do. I acted like a jerk and if you really want to be with Louis, it's okay because I can't do anything about it. You know, this is new to me, al this loving-someone thing and-"  
"Niall, shut up" Harry interrupts him abruptly and Niall looks at him scared that he said something wrong, again. "I accept your apologies, but I don't want to be with Louis, that's what I wanted to tell you, we broke up."  
"Why?" Niall whispers, because he feels like this is his fault again.  
"Because I met this boy" Harry says smiling cheekily, and oh great, Niall thinks now Harry is in love with someone, this can only get better "he is, he is really cute you know?" Harry continues and Niall only wants to cry, why his Harry doing this? What's the point? "I met him some years ago actually, like five" Niall is now even more confused "On a rooftop, this boy had some issues, you know? But I had too. He hurt me, but I love him, I love you Niall, and I want to be with you because life's too short to waste time on stupid things" Harry says quoting Louis "And you know what's stupid? You and I not being together." Harry concludes and waits for Niall to say something but the blonde boy doesn't even move and Harry starts to feel awkward because maybe it's too late. "Please say something" Harry begs.  
"I-I thought you would never forgive me…" Niall says getting up from the couch and Harry does the same. "What I did, I-"  
"No, Niall" Harry whispers softly getting closer to Niall "It is in the past now"  
"I know, but even if you forgive me I never will" a tear scapes from Niall eyes.  
"Niall" Harry whispers again "I need you" Harry's lips ghost over Niall's and they both close their eyes and the it happens, soft lips, filled with care pressed against warm but chapped lips filled with need, and most importantly, love. And Niall feels complete again.


	11. Settling Things Down.

"I missed you" Harry whispers. Niall and him are both laying on Niall's bed. Harry hugged tightly around Niall's body, and Niall caressing softly Harry's curls. "Promise me you won't leave me. Promise me that tomorrow when I wake up you'll be here." Harry begs, and by the tone of his voice Niall can tell he's scared, and Niall feels so guilty. He kisses the top of Harry's head.  
"I Promise." And he can feel Harry relaxing again under his arms. "Harry, I left you because I was too scared to love anyone, and I'm still am, but it's different now. Because now I know what it feels like being without you, losing you, and that's the worst feeling I've ever experienced." Niall pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath. "I never thought I would be able to say this but, I love you" They both chuckle and Harry looks up to meet Niall's eyes. They are smiling like fools, but I guess that's what love does to you. And then Niall kisses Harry, and Harry kisses back immediately, both still smiling into the kiss. Soon the kiss becomes more and more passionate, and they both are enjoying every second of it. Niall is now on top of Harry as Harry has his back against the mattress. Their hand exploring each other's bodies.   
A soft moan escapes from Harry's lips as Niall starts kissing his neck. Just then Niall finds Harry's sweet spot, between the end of his neck and the collarbone. Harry moans again and arches his back, pressing his now growing erection against Niall's one. Now it's Niall's time to moan. He comes back to Harry's lips and kiss him hungrily. He's been wanting this for so long.  
Niall starts undressing him and Harry, leaving Harry's lips only when they both need to remove their shirts.  
When they both are almost naked, in only their boxers, Niall stars planting kisses on every part of Harry's body.  
"Niall, please" Harry suddenly says, panting. "I want you"

***

"You should talk with Louis" Harry says.  
"Do you think this is the best moment to bring out this conversation?" Niall chuckles.  
They're both naked tangle between the sheets of Niall's bed. Niall spooning Harry, and occasionally leaving some kisses on Harry's neck.  
"Yeah, sorry" Harry chuckles too as he intertwines his fingers with Niall's, who has his and on Harry's stomach.   
"But you're right, I should talk to him. Tell him I'm sorry and thank him" Niall answers.  
"Thank him?" Harry asks confused.  
"Yes" Niall says as he presses another kiss on Harry's neck "Thank him for making you happy all this time, for loving you and giving you all the love you deserve because I was too coward to do it" Niall says, angry building up inside him, because that's the truth, he's a fucking coward.  
"Don't say that" Harry says kissing Niall's hand "You're not a coward."  
"I am Harry, I-"  
"No" Harry cuts him off "You're here now, with me, aren't you? And you love me, right?"   
"Yes" Niall whispers.  
"I love you too." Harry turns around and kisses Niall "I love you so much."

***

The door bell rings and Louis gets a ray of hope that maybe it's Harry. It's been a week since they broke up and he haven't had any notice about him. Maybe that means he's living happily ever after with Niall, but that doesn't make him feel better. After all Louis loved Harry, but that's how things should be. Harry belongs to Niall. And he's kind of okay with it, he's getting over Harry, and now he only wants to be friends with him, and of course with Niall.   
"I'm coming!" Louis shouts getting up from the couch to the door. Another ring "I said I'm coming!" Louis shouts again and finally opens the door, but it's not Harry who's standing there "Niall"  
"Hello" Niall says shyly.  
"Come in" Louis offers, but then he thinks about it "wait, are you going to punch me or something?" Niall chuckles, and Louis thinks that's a good sign.  
"No, don't worry, I just wanna talk"  
"Okay, come in then"  
They both sat on the sofa and you can feel the tension growing in the air. Both in silent, don't knowing what to say.  
"Do you want some tea?" Louis offers.  
"No, thank you"  
"Something to eat, maybe?"  
"No, I'm fine, thanks"  
"Well, maybe-"  
"I just want to talk Louis" Niall cuts him off, and Louis stays frozen on his spot because he doesn't know if he has done something wrong and Niall is going to start shouting at him or something "I'm sorry, I'm just nervous" Niall says softly this time.  
"It's fine, what do you want to talk about?" Louis finally speaks.  
"About Harry" Niall starts "Look Louis, I'm sorry about how I reacted the other day I just, you're my best friend, and I know I don't show my feelings, but you're very important to me, and when I saw you and Harry I just felt like you had betrayed me. I'm sorry I was being so selfish…" Niall says as he covers his face with his hands.  
"It's fine Niall. Harry loves you, he does. And that's all that matter now. I just want you and him to be happy, because I really care about you two"  
"And what about you?" Niall asks.  
"I'm good Niall, don't worry about me. This is how things should be, you and Harry are meant to be, that's obvious. Some day you two will get marry and have beautiful kids running around your house and they will call me Uncle Louis" They both laugh.  
"Thank you" Niall says smiling.  
"For what?" Louis asks, smiling too, but a bit confused.  
"I don't know, I guess… For being always there."  
"You don't have to thank for that, that's my job"  
"You're job?" Niall asks chuckling.  
"Yeah, as a friend a have my jobs, you know?"   
Niall laughs again. And then he realizes, Louis had done a lot for him but he'd never done anything for Louis.  
"How's Harry" Louis suddenly asks, interrupting Niall's thoughts.  
"He's fine, yeah." Niall answers and Louis nods and smiles "He told me he would come here later, to pick up some of his things, if you don't mind"  
"Of course not, he can come whenever he wants, and you too."  
"Well, I guess I'll have to go now. I'm glad we're fine again Lou"  
"Me too Nialler"  
And then they hug each other. And Niall promises himself to find Louis that someone special, because he helped him and Harry, and Louis deserves to be happy.


	12. Good Morning Beautiful.

When Niall comes back home the first thing he notices is the smell of something coming from the kitchen. It smells really good actually, a mix of tomato, cheese, and some spices. He walks into the kitchen to find Harry's back, the boy is cooking some pasta. Niall walks right up to him and wrap his arms around Harry waist.  
"It smells good" Niall says as he rest his chin on Harry's shoulder.  
"Thanks" Harry answers turning his head slightly to give Niall a soft kiss on the cheek.  
They stay like that for a long time. Niall wrapped around Harry and Harry trying to cook.  
"Okay, this is finished" Harry says "Let's going to eat".  
"Okay" Niall says. But instead of unwrapping his arms from Harry he stays exactly in the same position.  
"You know, if you don't let me go we can't eat" Harry says chuckling.  
"I won't let you go" Niall says as he buries his face on the crook of Harry's neck "You're mine"  
Harry turns around so now he's facing Niall and gives a soft him kiss.  
"So, we're gonna stay like that all day?" Harry asks smiling. Niall doesn't answer, instead he kiss Harry, softly, with such a care. He breaks the kiss and then give him a peck on the lips, one, two and three times, before whispering,  
"Do you-" Niall starts "Do you remember when we had a food fight right here, in my kitchen?" He finishes smiling at the memory and Harry smiles too.  
"Yeah, and after that you left" Niall's smile fades "I'm sorry I didn't mean to- It was my fault too" Harry states.  
"What?" Niall asks confused.  
"Well, we made that kind of promise remember? I wouldn't love you and you wouldn't leave me. I guess we both broke the promise" Harry explains.  
"But if I hadn't left maybe…"  
"Niall" Harry interrupts "That was five years ago, it doesn't matter anymore. Look where we are now. You and I, together."  
"We never really had a proper talk about it" Niall says "About why I left and the years we've been apart"  
"Why don't we talk about it later, I'm really hungry you know?" Harry says.  
"Okay" Niall chuckles. 

***

"So, you wanted to talk" Harry says as he steps out of the bathroom. Niall is already laying on the bed, with his back against the headboard waiting for Harry.  
"Yeah" Niall says and Harry sits on the bed in front of him so they are face to face. Niall is nervous. They've been a week together but they never really talked about what happened, and how things did change in those five years.  
"Let's talk then" Harry says offering a reassuring smile as he can tell Niall is a bit tense.  
"Well, I told you I had been into therapy" Harry nods "I left you because that's what I always did but at the same time I wanted to get better so I could come back to you and-" Niall tears start rolling down the cheek.  
"Niall" Harry takes Niall's tiny hand in his both big hands "We don't really have to do this" he says as he wipes off Niall's tears with his thumb.  
"No, no I really want to" Niall forces himself to smile.  
"Babe, everything's okay, we don't have to do this"  
"No, Harry please. This is my first relationship ever and I want to come clean" Harry nods and Niall continues "I still have insecurities. This last week there was a couple of times I thought that you eventually would get tired of me and leave me. I'm not completely fixed I guess I still have my moments, but in all this time I realized that there's a worse feeling than thinking you'll get tired of me and go away and it's actually being away from you. I don't know if you'll leave or where we're gonna be in five years, but I know I want to be with you now, even though I will want to run away sometimes, and it'll be hard but please, don't give up on me. Make me stay with you" Niall finishes and Harry can not contain the tears that are attempting to fall anymore.  
"Niall" Harry says as he comes closer to Niall and rests his forehead on Niall's "I'm not going anywhere. Listen to this: I will never ever leave you, okay?" Niall simply nods and closes his eyes, and only then Harry closes the gap between them and kisses Niall. "You're so beautiful" Harry whispers into Niall's lips and Niall smiles and kisses Harry again.

***

In the morning Niall feels a funny feeling on his stomach and his chest warms up. Harry is resting his head on Niall's chest and is hugging him tightly, as if he don't want him to let go. He breathes steadily and Niall just contemplates the scene. Harry has most of his curls plastered to his face, his lips are slightly parted, they are so pink and soft. Niall just want to kiss them but he doesn't want to wake up Harry, not yet. He wants to keep contemplating him. Niall has never seen anything more beautiful than Harry and he is on his arms. And then is when Niall realizes, he realizes he is holding Harry, he is holding his universe, his everything. He realizes that he is smiling, that for the first time in a long time he is genuinely happy, and it's all because of Harry, that perfect human being that is in his arms. For a moment Niall thinks he might be dreaming, because this is too good t be happening to him, Harry is too good for him. But he isn't dreaming. Harry is right there hugging him, and Niall feels safe.  
"Why are you staring?" Harry says in his morning voice, with a smirk on his lips but eyes still closed.  
"I though you were asleep" Niall says surprised.  
"How can I be sleeping when you're staring at me like that?" Harry smiles widely.  
"Sorry" Niall says feeling the blush on his cheeks, god he is so awkward.  
"I didn't say I didn't like it" Harry says opening his eyes that meet Niall's and they both smile at each other. "Morning" Harry whispers.  
"Morning" Niall breathes and kisses Harry forehead. "We should get up now"  
"I don't want to, I want to stay in bed all day with you" Harry says on a childish tone. Then he moves his head up so his lips are closer to Niall's and he caress them softly. Niall closes his eyes and Harry smiles, and then he kisses him so softly and slowly, but it's one of the best kisses they've ever shared. Niall's hand moves to the back of Harry's neck to keep him close. Harry asks for entrance and Niall gladly accepts. Their tongues don't fight for dominance, instead they dance with each other, and Niall thinks that that's probably the best kiss he has ever has. After a while they break the kiss and stare at each other's eyes, like they're the most precious thing they've ever seen.  
Niall's hand cups Harry's cheek and Harry leans into the touch and then moves his head so he can kiss Niall's hand.  
"You know," Niall whispers smiling "I don't mind waking up every day like that"   
Harry doesn't answer, he just smiles and kisses Niall again.

***

"Harry" Louis breathes as he opens the door. Harry's standing there in his doorframe. It's been a long time since the last time he saw him. Well, okay, it was only a week, but it seemed much more.  
"Hi" Harry says waving awkwardly "I came to pick up my things, hope you don't mind"  
"No, of course no. Come in please"

When Harry has packed up all of his thing he decides that maybe he should talk to Louis before he leaves. So they are sitting in Lou's living room with a cup of tea each, that Louis just made.  
"How are you and Niall?" Louis asks taking a sip of his cup.  
"Great" Harry simply answers, because he doesn't feel very comfortable speaking about that with Louis. "And you? How are you?"  
"I'm fine, really" Louis nods. "I'm glad I have you and Niall as friends again" he smiles.  
"This is weird" Harry states and Louis raises an eyebrow in confusion as he takes another sip "You and I talking about me and Niall, I don't know we've been a long time together…"  
"But you weren't happy"   
"It's not that I wasn't happy, I just wasn't completed, you know?"  
"Harry I loved you, I really did and you know it. But I knew we weren't going to last forever. I can honestly say that I'm so glad that you and Niall are together and I'm happier this way." Louis admits, and he's saying the truth, of course it hurt a bit seeing Harry away from him, they'd been almost five years together, but eventually he got over it, and he was happy with it now.  
"Really?" Harry asked not very convinced.  
"Really, and now I'm kind of seeing someone" Louis replies smiling widely.  
"Are you?" Harry asks smiling to and Louis nods "well I'm happy for you then"   
"Thanks" Louis said.

Once they finish their cups of tea Harry leaves. It's getting late and maybe Niall is worried about him, but he needed to clear up things with Louis, they've been trough a lot of things together and he just wanted him to be happy.  
"I'm home" Harry shouts as he enters, leaving all the things he picked up from Louis' on the floor. There's no response from Niall and he starts to worry "Niall?" He shouts again.  
Harry goes to the living room and there he is, sitting in the sofa, knees pressed against his chest with the TV off.  
"Hey babe, didn't you hear me?" Harry says sitting besides Niall. Niall looks at him, worry all over his face. "What's wrong?"  
"You took such a long time on Louis', didn't you?" Niall says bitterly.  
"Well, we talked about some things but that's all." Harry says "I'm sorry, I should've call you or something"  
"You don't know how hard this is for me" Niall says, a single tear streaming down his left cheek.  
"What?" Harry asks confused.  
"I keep having this feeling that you'll get tired of me, that I'm not good enough, that everyone is more beautiful and more perfect than me" Niall starts "It won't leave me, that feeling won't never leave me. And all the time you were at Louis' I've been thinking that maybe you still love him, even more than you love me, and at the same time I tried to convince myself that that's not true, that you would never cheat on me, and I can't take it anymore with those feeling, because they are always gonna be there and I know they're gonna ruin our relationship" Niall finishes between sobs. Harry doesn't know what to say. He knows that Niall isn't fully recovered from his Philophobia, but he had no idea he felt this way. So he just comes closer to Niall and hugs him and Niall hugs him too as he cries against his chest.  
"I'm sorry, I…" Harry says "I can only imagine how you're feeling Niall, but you need to trust me, I know it's hard but we'll get trough this, together" Harry kisses the top of Niall's head and Niall starts to calm down. They spend the rest of the evening just doing nothing. Sitting there hugging each other, and when Harry gets up to go cook some food Niall won't leave his side, but it doesn't bother Harry. And when the night comes they both go to sleep, spooning each other in the bed, as always. But this time, and for the first time, Niall is the little spoon.   
Maybe he's becoming too dependent or he's acting like a child, but he doesn't mind. He just wants Harry to hug him so tightly until all his fears disappear.


	13. Let's Make It Official.

Weeks passes and they are incredibly fine together. It's like they've never been apart. Like those in five years they've been apart they actually have been together. Everything in their relationship is great. But then, one evening one of them says something and everything goes down hill from here.  
"My mum wants to meet you" Harry announces while they are having breakfast. Niall heart stops. He is scared and he doesn't know why. Well, yes, he knows why. He is scared because Harry wants him to meet his family and that means more commitment in the relationship, plus he doesn't like meeting knew people.  
"Why?" Is all Niall can ask, trying not to sound as scared as he is. Harry lets out a chuckle.  
"Why? I don't know maybe because you're my boyfriend?" Harry says sarcastically.   
"But she already knows me" Niall says remembering the times he went to Harry's house.  
"I know, but she wants my sister to meet you." Harry says "A few years ago she moved back to Cheshire, my hometown. My sister lived there. And now she wants us to go there, and she want me to introduce you as my boyfriend you know" Harry smirks "plus, it's been a long time since the last time he saw you, a lot of things had happened since then".  
There's a silence. Niall doesn't know what to say. "What's wrong?" Harry asks and Niall shakes his head.  
"It's just that I've never been in this situation before" Niall explains. "It's weird and scary"  
"Scary?" Harry asks clearly amused.  
"Yeah, you know, meeting the parents means making it official and-"  
"Wait, I thought that we were already official" Harry interrupts, now serious.  
"Well, yeah, we are, but it's like- I don't know how to explain it. It's like a commitment between you and me" Niall tries again "You know that I can handle very well those things"  
"Oh, so it's that, isn't it?" Harry asks while he gets up and picks up all the empty plates to put them on the counter, and Niall looks at him confusion all over his face. "Niall you can't hide behind your illness overtime you don't want to do something" Harry is getting angry and Niall does so.  
"What?" He almost yells getting up from his chair "I'm not doing that Harry, you know that! How can you-"  
"You know what?" Harry interrupts "I don't even care, it's okay if you don't want to meet my family, I don't care anymore. I'm so tired of this" Harry says angrily before leaving the house with a slam on the door.  
And Niall just stays there, frozen. Letting the words sink. The lasts words Harry said running through his head. He is tired of this. This? What does he mean by that? Their relationship, Niall's illness, or is he tired of Niall?   
Niall wants to throw up and cry. Because finally it had happened, Harry got tired of him. Because for the first time he isn't the one running away and now he knows how bad it feels being on the other side. And because Harry is gone.   
What if he goes back to Louis? What if he never comes back? Niall feels a tear roll down his cheek. And then he finds himself waking towards the door. Hoping Harry hasn't gone too far yet. It feels like the door it's miles away, so Niall runs desperately. And when he finally is there he places the hand on the door knob and opens the door ready to start running after Harry, bu he finds something blocking his way.  
He looks up to find a pair of beautiful green eyes looking directly at him. They are red and puffy but they are still gorgeous. They belong to Harry.  
Niall starts crying and Harry hugs him, and he whispers an "I'm sorry" on Niall's ear. But Niall shakes his head and answers "I am sorry".  
They both come inside the house, still hugging each other. Eventually the break the embrace but they're still touching each other.  
"We don't have to go to meet my family, Niall" Harry starts "We can do it any other time, when you feel you're ready" He says wiping away the tears on Niall's cheeks with his thumb. Niall sniffs before talking.  
"No, it's okay, I want to. I'll have to do it eventually, so it's better if I do it now" Niall says between smalls sobs.   
"Niall I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said those this I was just so angry"  
"Are you really tired of me?" Niall asks sobbing and Harry feels like the boy is going to break in any moment.  
"No, Niall, I've never said I was" Harry whispers.  
"You said you were tired of this"  
"I know, but I didn't mean it. And I didn't mean like I was tired of you, I could never ever get tired of you Niall" Harry whispers so sweetly that Niall thinks he's going to melt under Harry's touch. "I was angry that's all, I didn't mean anything I said"  
"Okay" Niall simply says. He believes Harry, he truly does. But he is still scared.  
But then Harry kisses him, a sweet and long kiss, and Niall doesn't feel scared anymore.

***

"Is it cold in Cheshire?" Niall asks.  
He and Harry are both packing. They're leaving tomorrow to visit Harry's family.   
"Yeah, sometimes, you should take some jumpers" Harry says, he is very stressed, he never liked packing because he doesn't know what to take with him. Niall notices and stops doing his bag. He approaches to Harry, whose back is facing Niall.  
Niall wraps his arms around Harry and buries his face on the crook of Harry's neck.  
"Are you happy?" Niall whispers.  
"Yes, I'm just a bit stressed"   
"I know something's wrong, Harry" Niall says planting soft kisses on Harry's neck, and Harry stops doing his bag because he can concentrate with Niall doing that.  
"I'm fine, really" Harry assures as he intertwine his fingers with Niall's.  
"I don't believe you" Harry sighs.  
"It's just- It's been a long time since the last time I've been to my hometown" Harry finally confesses "You know about Mike, you know what happened. I'm scared if I go back there, where it all happened, I don't know…"  
"You shouldn't be scared about anything" Niall states "I'm with you Harry. You've help me a lot, now it's my turn".   
Harry turns around so now he's facing Niall, and his left hand travels to Niall's cheek, caressing it softly, while the other one wraps around Niall's waist, keeping him close.  
"I love you" he simply says and rests his forehead against Niall's.   
Niall smiles and titles his head so he can kiss Harry.  
And Niall keeps smiling trough the kiss. Because it is weird. It's weird how used he had become to those three words, how much he loved hearing them coming out from Harry's mouth, when just a few years ago those three words were his biggest fear. It's weird how used he had become to those lips against his own, how he is longing for them all the time. It's weird how used he had become to Harry, to love him like he never though he would love someone. It's weird how used he had become to love itself.


	14. Here Comes The Storm.

When they arrive in Cheshire the sky is grey. Maybe it's a sing of all that's about to come, or maybe not, because in England the sky is usually grey. But the perfect storm it's just around the corner.

"Do you think they're gonna like me?" Niall asks nervously when Harry knocks twice at his mum's door. Harry smiles sweetly.  
"They're gonna love you" he answers kissing Niall's forehead.  
And then the door opens reviling a beautiful woman with black hair and eyes like Harry's.  
"Honey" she says hugging Harry tightly "I missed you"  
"Missed you too mum" he answers and then he breaks their embrace "Mum, this is Niall, Niall this is my mum, well you already know each other"  
"N-nice to see you again" Niall says nervously, his palms starting to sweat.  
"Oh Niall, it's been a long time since the last time I saw you! Come here honey" Anne says and then she hugs Niall like they are old friends that haven't seen each other for years even though. "Come inside, Gemma is in the kitchen" Anne says once she has broke their embrace.

They walk inside the house, hand in hand, and Harry drives Niall to the kitchen, where they find a beautiful young lady, that Niall supposes is Gemma.  
"Gem!" Harry says.  
"Harry!" she says and they both hug.  
And Niall just stays there contemplating the scene, waiting for Harry to remember he is there and introduce him. And just as if Harry is reading his mind he does so.  
"Gemma, this is Niall" he finally says.  
"Nice to meet you" Niall says lending her his hand to shake. But Gemma doesn't do the same.  
"Oh, the one who left you with no reason apparently and five years later came back like nothing happened" she says coldly, and Niall feels like a ton of brick has just fall above him, and he returns his hand to his normal place.  
"Gemma, please" Harry says "we're fine now okay, there's no need to bring that out now"  
But Niall still doesn't move, he's frozen. He clearly didn't see this coming.  
"If you say so, but don't come to me when he leaves you again"  
Harry takes a deep breath.  
"I'm not-" Niall try to protest but Anne cuts him off.  
"Okay, it's dinner time!"

***

Later that night they talk about it. Niall is staying with Harry in his old room, they're both laying on Harry's old bed looking at the ceiling.  
"I'm sorry about Gemma" Harry whispers, because it's midnight and he doesn't want to wake up anybody. "I told her about everything that happened and-"  
"Did you tell her about my illness?" Niall interrupts him without any emotion on his voice.  
"No, I didn't" there is a moment of silence until Harry speaks again "I tough that were something personal, something you should tell, not me"  
Niall doesn't say anything. He just listens how the rain it's falling outside, the beautiful sound of the rain falling on the roof of the house and against the window.  
"Are you mad?" Harry asks.  
"I just want to sleep" Niall says and turns he's back to Harry, thinking about everything that happened, thinking he wants to go home, and stay under the shits of his bed with Harry all day. But now he's kind of mad at him, and he doesn't even know why, he is kind of mad at the whole world. He just wants to sleep because tomorrow will be another day, a new day.

***

The next morning Niall is woken up by Harry's lips, leaving kisses all along his neck, the his jawline and then behind his ear.  
"Good morning beautiful" Harry whispers.   
Niall smiles, his eyes still closed, but he doesn't want to smile because he is supposed to be mad at Harry, but he can't be mad at anything while Harry is trailing kisses along his neck.  
"'S not fair" Niall says in his deep morning voice, opening his eyes.  
"What's not fair?" Harry asks smiling against Niall's neck as he plants an open-mouthed kiss.  
"This, what you're doing, you can't wake me up like that" Niall says smiling "I'm supposed to be mad at you" he places his hand on Harry's hair, caressing softly his curls.  
Harry then leaves his neck and kisses Niall on the lips, he gives him a few sweet pecks, and Niall hates him because how can he have this effect on him, he was determinate to be mad at him at least for the whole day but know he just want to kiss him for the whole day, forgetting about everything else.  
"We should get going, breakfast is probably ready" Harry says.  
"I don't want to go" Niall says sounding like a child, and Harry think is adorable "I'm scared, you're sister hates me" Harry chuckles.  
"No she doesn't, I know that when she gets to really know you she's gonna love you"  
"How are you so sure?"  
"Because I love you" Harry simply smiles and Niall does so "C'mon, let's get dressed" Harry says giving Niall a quick peck on the lips before getting up from bed.

***

The rest of the day happens to be a great day. The rain is still falling outside but they don't mind. Anne shows Niall pictures of Harry when he was a kid, and Harry blushes all the time, they keep talking and laughing all day, and Niall starts to think he was an idiot for being scared, because he feels really comfortable, but that's maybe because Gemma hasn't show yet, she's been all day in his bedroom, probably avoiding Niall.  
But when the night come and everyone is already asleep Niall leaves goes to the kitchen to drink something because he can't sleep he finds her there.  
She doesn't say a thing so Niall goes to the fridge and takes the milk and then he fills a glass with it. He's about to go when she says something.  
"Niall" he stops and turns around to look at her "why don't you sit here"  
Niall is incapable to say anything so he just does what he's told, he sits in front of Gemma, and the moment couldn't be more awkward.  
"Do you really love my brother?" she asks. Niall feel a lump on his throat but he needs to answer, c'mon this is a easy one.  
"Yes, yes I do" Niall answer and he feels like he is in some kind of test.  
"Then why did you left him?" Niall doesn't know what to say, should he say the truth.  
"It's… Complicated" he stays smiling softly.  
"No it's not, you don't left like that the people you love"  
Niall wants to disappear, he want to choke on the milk he is drinking and die just there, because she is right and he doesn't know what to say now. He just looks down at his glass.   
"My brother has suffered a lot in his life, he deserves something better. You're not good for him"  
And then Gemma gets up from his chairs and leaves Niall alone with his thoughts.

***

The next day it's shit. There is a big storm outside, and inside. Niall has been acting weird all day, he is serious, barely touching Harry and faking smiles when someone says something you're supposed to smile at.  
Anne leaves the house in the evening, and Gemma is in her bedroom, so that leaves Harry and Niall alone in the living room watching TV. They are sitting in the same sofa but they are too far for each other to Harry's liking. Niall is looking at the TV but he's clearly not watching it. Harry turns it off and scoots closer to Niall.  
"Would you tell me what's wrong?" Harry says concerned.  
"Nothing, everything's fine" Niall says faking a smile.  
"Niall, I know you. I'm tired of seeing you faking smiles and you don't even want to touch me, I know something is wrong, why won't you tell me?"  
"I've been thinking," Niall starts "you deserve something better Harry" he says quoting Gemma.  
Harry just stays there confused, what the hell is this boy saying to him?  
"What are you talking about Niall?"  
"I'm not good for you" Niall says, quoting Gemma again, letting slip a tear down his cheek.  
"Niall you're kidding right?" Harry says starting to panic "You're not breaking up with me, are you?" tears attempting to fall from his eyes.  
"I don't know" Niall says looking down at his hands.  
"Niall, please don't do that, what's wrong, what have I done wrong?"  
Niall doest even know what to say anymore but he needs to say something because he can't let Harry think he has done something wrong when he is the only right thing in his life.  
"It's not you're fault Harry, it's only mine. Since we met I only give you suffering, I want you to be happy and you deserve someone much better than me"  
"But I don't care who I deserve, I only want you." Harry is crying now.  
"Harry, I love you, you know I do, but we need sometime, you need sometime to realize I'm not good to you"  
"No Niall don't tell me that, please don't leave me again" Harry cries.   
"If I stay I'd so selfish, I'm doing this because it's the best for you"  
"You're the best for me Niall!" Harry shouts between sobs, because he is starting to get angry. Is this boy deaf?  
"You don't know what you're saying" Niall says smiling bitterly.  
"What the hell is happening here with all the shouting?!" Gemma suddenly appears. They both look at her. "What did he do to you?" Gemma asks when she sees Harry is crying.  
"Nothing" Harry says angrily.  
"I'm sorry" Niall whispers looking at Harry and then he leaves.  
And Harry starts crying even more, because Niall have taken his heart with him.


	15. It's You.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!!! Hope you had enjoy it! There'll be and epilogue and I'll probably upload it on Thursday. Thank you to everyone who had read Philophobia, it means a lot to me, really, even if there were only like two people reading or something, hahah, I love you. This is my first finished writing so I hope it wasn't too bad, haha :) As I said before I hope you had enjoyed it, and once again, thank you!! :)
> 
> P.S.: sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, heheh.
> 
> P.S.2: btw, there it goes, my first attempt to write smut, it turned out kind of wrong, sorry, lol.

"Honey, why are you crying? What had happened?" When Anne comes back Harry is a crying mess curling on the sofa and Gemma is sitting beside him, looking at his brother without knowing what to do and thinking that maybe this is her fault.  
"H-he left" Harry says between sobs. Anne is now beside his son, caressing his hair.  
"Who is he? Niall? Niall left?" Anne asks confused and both, Harry and Gemma, simply nod. "Why? Why would he do that?"  
"I-I don't know" Harry wipes some tears away with his hand. "He's been acting weird al day and then he started saying things like I deserved someone better than him"  
And in that moment everything clicks inside Gemma's head. This is indeed her fault. She said those things to Niall. She said those things to him because she wanted him to leave Harry, but now she wasn't feeling good at all. Seeing his brother cry like that and thinking it was all her fault. Maybe she was wrong.  
"I'm sorry" She says quietly tears attempting to fall from his eyes. Harry and Anne look at her.  
"Sorry for what, honey?" Anne says.  
"It is my fault" she says "I said those things to Niall"  
"You did what?" Harry almost yells, getting up from the sofa.  
"Sit down, babe" Anne pleads and Harry obeys.  
"I just- I told him he wasn't good for you and you deserved better, I didn't-"  
"And why?! Why the hell would you do that?" Harry asks getting angrier, because he can't believe his own sister had done this to him and the person he loves.  
"I thought he would hurt you eventually"  
"Really? Guess what? He didn't hurt me, you did, and the worst thing is that you hurt him too, you made him think he wasn't good for me!"  
"Okay, calm down honey. I'm sure Niall is okay, we just need to find him" Anne says calmly "Do you know where he could've gone?"  
"I don't know" Harry says hiding his face in his hand. This situation it's just too much.

Suddenly and idea crosses Harry's mind. "I think I know where he is"

***

"Niall, what are you doing here?" Maura, Niall's mum, asks as he sees his son standing at his door, with no luggage and red puffy eyes.  
"I needed to hide somewhere" He says faking a smile.  
"What's wrong?" She asks concerned.   
"Long story"  
"I've got time"

***

"So, you left Harry again because you say you're not good enough for him?" Niall nods.  
"He deserves better mum, someone who can properly love him and someone who doesn't runaway every time he's scared."  
"But for what I've heard you're doing so much better now, and you love him don't you?" Maura asks.  
"Yes, yes I do but-"  
"You know what I think? I think that Harry loves you too honey, even if I don't know him"  
"I know mum, but I'm doing this for him"  
"No Niall, do you really think leaving him is good for him?"  
"No, but-"  
"Niall, you need him and he needs you. You and him together, that is how it should be, and what other people thinks doesn't matter because you two have each other"  
At that point Niall doesn't know what to say.  
His mum always gives him the best advices, that's why he always comes to her. Deep inside he knows she's right, but now there's nothing he can do, he already left Harry and he's sure this time he's not going to forgive him so easily.  
But then the door bell rings. Maura gets up to answer the door leaving Niall alone, sitting in the sofa with his face on his hands, thinking why the hell is he so coward, he should be with Harry right now.  
"Niall, you have visit" Maura says. Niall turns around confused to see who has come to visit him and when he sees him it seems like his heart is melting.  
"Harry" Niall whispers getting up from the sofa.  
"I'll leave you two alone" Maura says smiling softly and Harry smiles at her and nods. Then she leaves, leaving them alone.  
"Harry, what are you doing here?" Niall asks stepping closer to Harry but unsure of his actions, because he doesn't know if Harry is angry or hurt. "How did you know-"  
"Last time you runaway you came here, I just supposed you'll be here this time too" Harry says and Niall still can't tell Harry's emotions. And that's killing him inside.  
"Well, I guess I need to find another place next time" Niall jokes trying to lighten up the mood. But it doesn't work, Harry looks at him with a serious expression on his face.  
"Don't. Please, don't say it'll be a next time" Harry says, and now Niall can see the tears that are attempting to fall from Harry's eyes.  
"No, I mean- I…" Niall sighs "I'm so sorry Harry"  
"I know what happened" Harry says "I know the things Gemma told you, and they are not true"  
"Harry," Niall tries.  
"No, Niall!" Harry interrupts him, yelling "They are not true, and even if they were I don't care. I don't care if you think you're not good enough or if I deserve someone better. I don't care because I want to be with you. I'll choose you over anyone." Now Harry is crying, and Niall too.  
"Harry," Niall starts "would you, would you please forgive me?" He says "I promise I'll try not to runaway anymore" Niall says smiling trough the tears.  
And Harry just walks up to him and hugs him, and Niall hugs him back. And they both start crying louder.  
"I'm sorry, I'm an idiot" Niall says against Harry's t-shirt.  
"Yes, yes you are" Harry says chuckling.  
Harry pulls away from their embrace and cups Niall cheeks in his hands, looking at Niall directly in the eyes.  
"Niall, I love you and I always will, no matter what. Please remember that." Harry says and Niall just nods and smiles before pressing his lips against Harry.  
And yes, he's going to make sure he remembers that forever, but he's sure that as long as Harry's there, he's never going to forget it.

***

"My mum is downstairs, Harry" Niall says as Harry kisses his neck.  
"But some make up sex will be great" Harry answers, smirking, moving from his neck to his chest.  
"Okay but-" Niall says trying to hold on a moan when Harry sucks his nipples "But don't be too loud"  
Harry smirks and goes back to Niall's lips.  
"You're the loud one, babe" Harry kisses him on the lips, then under his jaw-line, then his neck, trailing kisses all along Niall's chest and stomach then, when he arrives to the hem of Niall boxers. He kisses him there before removing them and then her presses open-mouthed kisses to Niall's member before going back to his lips, palming Niall.  
Harry kisses him hungrily, with passion, and Niall is just a mess of moans under him.  
"Harry if you keep doing that-" Niall says panting, being interrupted by his own moan.  
"What do you want me to do Ni?" Harry whispers on Niall's ear, making him moan again.  
"H-harry please" Niall pants "fuck me."  
"As you wish, babe" Harry says smirking.

***

They are laying on Niall's old bed hugging each other. Niall resting his head on Harry's chest while Harry is caressing softly his hair, when there's a knock on the door.  
"Niall, honey, the dinner is ready"  
Niall looks up to Harry, to see him scrunching his face as in a way of saying he doesn't want to move right now, that he wants to stay with Niall in bed, and Niall wants to stay in bed with Harry too.  
"We're not hungry mum, do you mind if we go downstairs later?"   
"Okay" Maura sighs "But don't be so loud again, I prefer not to dinner while I'm hearing my son having sex with his boyfriend" she says before she leaves.  
Harry and Niall laugh at that, because they thought they had been more quiet this time, but they were wrong.  
"I like your mum" Harry states once they've stoppped laughing. "She's very nice"  
"Yeah, she is" Niall says but he's thinking about other things now.  
"What are you thinking?"  
"Nothing" Niall sighs.  
"Niall, don't lie to me"  
"You sound like my mother" Niall chuckles and Harry does too. "I was thinking about everything that happened"  
"Do you mean what happened with my sister?" Harry says "Don't worry about that, I already talked to her, she's really sorry and she said-"  
"No" Niall interrupts him and hovers over Harry to get a better view of him "I mean what happened in these five years"  
"And what had happened in these five years?" Harry asks amused.  
Niall gives him a quick peck on the lips.  
"I met the love of my life" Niall states.  
"And who's that?" Harry's smiling widely.  
Niall moves his face closer to Harry's, their lips barely touching when he whispers, "You".


	16. Epilogue.

-2 years later-

"Do you really think this is going to work?" Harry asks nervously.  
"Of course it is going to work! It's my plan" Louis states.  
"What if he says no?" Harry asks again.  
"He won't" Liam says giving him a reassuring smile.   
Yeah, he won't say no, they are their friends and they know him, right? He won't say no, he won't say no. Harry repeats to himself, trying to calm himself.  
"Mate calm down, he loves you, you know it" Zayn says as he sits on the couch sitting Louis on his lap and giving him a quick kiss. Yeah, Zayn was an old friend of Harry, and they all started hanging out and eventually happened what was supposed to happen: Louis and Zayn fell in love with each other. It wasn't that easy, Louis was the first one to feel something for the other boy, he tried very hard, Harry and Niall helped him to get Zayn, but it seemed impossible. Louis asked Zayn out about eight times before the boy said yes. It wasn't that Zayn wasn't interested in Louis, he really was, it was that he had never felt anything like that for a boy before, and that scared him. But eventually he learn to accept it, to accept himself and his feelings, and now Louis and him have been happily together for almost two years.  
"Yeah, I know he loves me, but you know he doesn't really like commitment" Harry's palms are starting to sweat, and he feels like throwing up when he hears the keys opening the front door.  
"Harry, I'm home" the blond boy shouts.  
"I'm in the living room" Harry asks trying to hide his nervousness.  
"Hey guys, didn't know you were here" Niall greets the boys when he comes in the living room and then gives Harry a quick peck before sitting by his side. "What's going on?"  
"Nothing really" Louis shrugs.  
"Boys why are you so quiet?" Niall asks a little scared, because he doesn't know what's happening. The boys all look at each other nervously, because it's Harry who is supposed to talk now.  
"N-Niall, I need to tell you something" Harry finally says nervously.  
"What is it?"   
"Not here, c'mon" Harry answers getting up, and Niall does so.  
"Wait" Niall suddenly says "Is it something bad?"  
Harry turns around and smiles softly.  
"I hope it isn't'"  
"Are you breaking up with me?" Niall asks a bit terrified, trying to think what he had done wrong this time.  
"No, of course, I'm not breaking up with you!" Harry says as it is the most obvious thing in the world, because, well, it is.  
"Okay, then let's get going" Niall smiles and Harry holds his hand driving him outside.

***

"Where are we?" Niall asks chuckling. He's blindfolded so he can't see anything. He's been since they got in the car and Harry wouldn't say a word about where they were going.  
"Don't be so impatience, just wait a moment" Harry says guiding him. "Okay, you can take it off now"  
And Niall does what he's told, and now he can see everything. Where they are, on the rooftop where they first met. The picnic basket on the floor. All the candles that are everywhere. It looks beautiful because the sun is already hiding and the light is perfect. Everything is perfect.  
Niall looks at Harry, who is smiling widely.  
"You did this?"  
"Yeah, well, they boys helped me a little" Harry answers shyly.  
"It's beautiful" Niall states.  
"Just like you" Harry answers looking at him in the eyes.  
"You're so cheesy sometimes" Niall giggles.  
"C'mon, let's eat something"

***

"Niall" Harry calls.  
They both finished eating a while ago, and now they're lying on the floor. Niall is wrapped around Harry and they both are looking at the starts, because the night has already come and now everything it's even beautiful than before, the candles still lighting up the rooftop.  
"Yes?" Niall answers.  
"Do you believe in fate?" Harry answers.  
"In fate? What do you mean?"  
"I mean, like, if two people are meant to be together they'll find a way to be with each other no matter what"  
"Well, yeah, we are the living proof of it, aren't we?" Niall chuckles and Harry too.  
"Yeah…" Harry sighs "What do you think that would've happened if we never met? If you never came here, to this rooftop, or if I wouldn't have been here in the first place?"  
"My life would be a chaos" Niall states "I'll be lost without you, Harry" He looks up to him and Harry kisses him tenderly.  
"Niall," Harry starts, and he's not sure if he should say this but, "will you marry me?"  
Niall stares at him for a moment, trying to find out if he's being serious, if he really just asked him the big question.  
"Are you serious?" Niall asks.  
Harry gulps, does that means he doesn't want to marry him? It's he gaining time to find a soft way of telling him no?  
"Yes, completely" Harry whispers. Harry's heart is beating faster than ever, he's sure he's going to pass out if Niall doesn't answer him.  
Niall gets up a little so he's now resting on his elbow, to have a better view of Harry, he looks so terrified but so beautiful. Niall tilts his head and kisses him, he kisses him with all the love he's got. They're lips moving perfectly in sync, even though Harry's a bit hesitantly because he doesn't know what's happening. Niall breaks the kiss and brush his lips one more time against Harry's. Then he look at Harry's eyes, those eyes, and smiles.  
"Yes," he whispers "of course I'll marry you"  
And at those words Harry grins more widely that he ever has, because he said yes, his Niall said yes, they're going to get married. And they kiss again, both of them smiling trough the kiss, because they are incredibly happy.  
If someone would have told Niall that a boy would proposed him and he would say yes seven years ago, he wouldn't believe them, he would have thought that it was crazy, that he wasn't going to love anyone, never.   
But everything changed the moment he met this beautiful boy who is now kissing him, who is his and only his, his husband-to-be. And he's very glad everything changed, because now he can whisper to Harry,  
"I love you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the epilogue!! So this is finished now :( but, I’m working on a one shot about Louis and Zayn story :) Anyway, as I said before, thank you so much for reading it and everything, I love y’all!! <3 xx


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